


it’s kind of a funny story (except when it isn’t)

by enchantress (orphan_account), sparrellow (orphan_account)



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst and Drama, Angst and Humor, Awkwardness, Childhood Friends, Conflict, Drama, Drama & Romance, Eventual Romance, Family Drama, High School, Internal Conflict, Multi, Secret Crush, Self-Hatred, Step-Sibling Incest, Step-siblings, rin and len are not blood related uhhhh, will add more ships and things later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:02:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23850505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/enchantress, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/sparrellow
Summary: Rin wondered when she would get used to calling Len her b— bro— broth—Oh God, she couldn’t even say it without wanting to hurl.
Relationships: Kagamine Len/Kagamine Rin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i post this on another pseud because i am ashamed :)

It was halfway through her last year in junior high when her mother sat her down at the dinner table and gave her this _look_ that struck as much fear in her heart as curiosity for what was to come.

"Rin," she said, after taking a deep breath. "There's something I want to tell you."

Rin didn't know what to expect. Her mother had never sat her down so seriously before, and her only assumption could be that someone had died, or she was being put up for adoption. Alas, she did not expect what was going to come out of her mouth next. That came _way_ out of left field.

"You know Len's dad, Leon?" her mum asked. She nodded, wondering what it had to do with The Talk. "Well, I haven't been entirely honest with you, but—we've been dating in secret for the past year. And Leon, he proposed to me. We're getting married."

Uh.

What?

Rin blinked at the older woman across the table, feeling she must have misheard her terribly. Eventually, she just said, "Huh."

Her mother cleared her throat. "Look, I know it's really sudden and all, but we didn't want to make things awkward between you and Len, especially if it didn't work out between us," she continued, not quite paying attention to the look of horror slowly etching across her daughter's face. "But both Leon and I, well, we really love each other, and we want to take that love and… make us a family."

Rin's jaw went slack. There was a faint whooshing sound in her ears, like the fabled _winds of change_ were coming to knock her off her feet and send her flying. In fact, they already were.

After a long, awkward silence, she said—almost a whisper, "Just… _what?_ "

Her mum then held out her hand to show off her engagement ring, as if it would make the situation any better. It did not. "Leon and I are getting engaged," she repeated, with a somewhat nervous smile.

Rin sat there for a moment, staring at the ring on her mother's hand. Her heart was beating loudly in her ears. Her mind was reeling. Her mum? Len's dad? _Together?_ As in, together-together? As in, Len would be her _step-brother_ together?

Oh nonononon _ononononono._

Yes, perhaps when Rin was in elementary school, she used to daydream about growing up and having a family with Len—but that, er, was _a different_ kind of family. Not like this. Not like _this._

Rin didn't know if she wanted to pass out at the table, or throw up, or cackle like she'd been possessed. Either way, the blood was draining from her face so much that her skin was starting to blend with the white wall behind her.

Her mother noticed this and stared at her, eyebrows meeting in the middle of her forehead. "Rin, honey," she said. "Are you okay?"

Rin slowly stood up from her chair, the room spinning around her. "I'm going to have a bath," she told her in a shaky voice, all the while avoiding her gaze.

Then she fled for the safety of the bathroom.

* * *

**it's kind of a funny story (except when it isn't)**

_Rin wondered when she would get used to calling Len her b— bro— broth—_

_Oh God, she couldn't even say it without wanting to hurl._

* * *

"Hey Rin. Rin. Hello, earth to Rin. Rin _Kagamine_."

Rin pulled her head out of her book to shoot a daggers at whoever owned the nagging voice. She was _just_ getting to the good part, too.

It was Kaito. Len's annoying friend. He smiled at her goofily, to which she replied, "What."

A nervous laugh burst from his lips, and his eyes skated off to the side in an attempt to avoid her icy glare. "Len got detention again," he said.

Rin quirked a brow. "Why?"

"Threw a pencil at me in Biology."

"O-kay…" she said, rolling the syllables off her tongue. _Why_ Len was throwing pencils in Biology stumped her, but the boy had been acting odd for the past one and a half years, and she'd just given up questioning his behaviour altogether. "You're telling me this because?"

Kaito shrugged. "He has to stay behind today to scrape gum off the bottoms of desks."

Gross. "Yeah, and _you're_ telling me this because?"

"I dunno. Told me to tell you," was his sheepish answer.

Rin rolled her eyes. Given the chance, Len would avoid talking to her whenever he could. That meant sending his friends off to her as messengers. _Why not text me, or pass a note to me, or something_ , she wondered, but then again, this was _Len_ she was talking about. He was as stubborn as a mule.

"Well," she said, turning back to her book. "Tell him he sucks for me."

Kaito saluted her. "Roger that, ma'am!" He left the classroom, leaving her to— _finally—_ continue on with her reading.

What an odd guy.

She'd only just gotten through one sentence of her book when another voice began to pester her. It belonged to Miku, a girl who she—with somewhat regret—regarded as a friend.

"Rinnie-rin-rin!" she cooed, plucking the book from her hands and tossing it aside. Wow. Rude.

"What _now_ ," Rin asked, exasperated.

Miku pouted. "Was that Kaito just now?" she asked, pulling up a chair to her desk and propping her elbows in the space between them to rest her head.

 _Ugh_. "Yes."

"What did he want to talk to you about?" Miku waggled her eyebrows. Although Kaito was, perhaps, the only person on the planet to be dense enough not to realise Miku pining after him like a lovesick puppy, just about everyone else knew. Rin included.

She sighed. "Just passing on a message from Len."

Miku went _'oh'._ "Len, as in your brother?"

"Yes, Len, as in my _step-_ bro— broth—" Rin coughed, then wheezed out, "— _brother_."

Miku didn't notice her struggle, shoulders sagging. "I see. Nothing about me?"

"No, Miku. Nothing about you."

"Aw." The girl pouted.

Rin resisted the urge to snort, instead just settled for a neutral expression. "Can I have my book back, please?"

Miku sat up straight. "Ah, right," she said, pulling it out from under her backside. It was warm.

Okay. Ew.

Rin slid it into her bag while Miku launched into another one of her _woe is me_ speeches. The girl was popular enough to have her locker overflowing with gifts on Valentine's day, as well as students starting fist fights over her in the hallways at school, so to her, Kaito's obliviousness was akin to the end of the world.

"How come he always talks to _you_ ," she whined, "but never acknowledges _me?_ I do all the tricks, you know; twirling my hair and batting my eyelids and so on and so forth, but it's like I don't even exist."

"He literally only ever talks to me about Len," Rin said.

Miku moaned, placing her head face-down into the desk. "I know, but it _sucksssss_."

Rin had no advice to offer her. She, herself, wasn't exactly lucky with guys either—Len, to be exact. The boy became an entirely different person after the big reveal that their parents were all lovey-dovey and such; he, too, barely acknowledged her, and when he did, he acted like someone was driving a knife through his chest.

Like, _okay—_ she got it. Their parents getting married sucked majorly. She didn't want it either. But, well, Len was still her best friend. Clamming up and avoiding him like the plague wouldn't change either of those things.

And yet… that was it. He just stopped talking to her. Became distant. And tried everything within his willpower to piss their parents off.

She didn't really know what to do about it. Confront him? Be mad? In a way, she was angry this was how he was handling it all. Like, sure, okay, he didn't want to be related to her, but did he have to _shut her out_ like that? Sometimes, she came a _hair_ close to just… yelling at him about it.

In the end, though, she could only mourn the loss of their friendship.

Rin reached over and patted her friend's head. "He'll come around eventually," she told her, but she wasn't sure whether she was saying that to Miku—or just herself.

* * *

Since the marriage, Rin's—now big—family moved into a larger apartment that was _just_ enough for some breathing space between four people. The downside was that her room was conveniently right next to the living room, so sleeping in on the weekends was impossible unless she used earplugs to block out the noise.

The living room, dining room and kitchen were all squished into one space, which meant tramping on each other's toes in early mornings was inevitable. And it happened. Every. Goddamn. Morning.

Rin listened over her yoghurt as Len threw a fit about—what even was it? Lunch? Something about him wanting to buy lunch from the cafeteria, or the convenience store or whatever.

"But Len—" her mother was attempting to talk sense into his thick, thick brain. "—it's not _healthy_ to be eating food from the cafeteria every day. Really. Please. Just take a packed lunch. Rin does it."

 _Don't drag me into this_ , she thought, leaning into the bowl in hopes her yoghurt would just swallow her up.

"I don't want your stupid packed lunch," he argued, shoving the bento back into her hands. "I've told you I'll just buy from the convenience store on the way to school. I don't need you to make me anything."

It'd been like this ever since they'd all moved in together. Len—denying anything and everything from her mum. Her mum—desperately trying to play happy family. Rin—pretending to be a piece of the furniture.

Rin didn't know why her mother didn't just… let it go. Let the guy buy his own lunch or whatever. Let him be broody.

But, she supposed, in her own way, her mum was just trying to get some degree of _acceptance_ from him.

They were still arguing in the kitchen when Rin had finished her yoghurt, and she stared at the empty bowl, wondering whether to venture into the line of fire or not. Sometimes, she wanted to throw something as a distraction so there would be _at least_ five minutes of silence.

Well, either way, she had to move, because she had like two minutes to get dressed, brush her teeth, and get her ass out the door.

Rin weaved around the two, who were now arguing about—respect? Laundry? Flushing the toilet? Who even knew—and dropped her bowl off into the sink. Then, as she walked out of the kitchen, she reached over and took the lunch box from her mother's hands.

Her mum looked at her, confused. "Rin, I already gave you your lunch—"

"I know."

"Then why did you take it?"

Rin shrugged. "I'm hungry," she lied. Then she walked off to finish getting ready.

At least the move had stumped them enough to end the heated discussion. Although, she didn't know what to do with the extra food.

Sneak it into Len's bag at school?

Hmm. Could be possible.

Miku could use an excuse to talk to Kaito, if anything.

* * *

"I have a favour to ask," Rin announced to her group of friends later that morning, as they were gathered around their lockers in the hallway.

Her friends all looked at her as she brandished the lunch box from her bag.

"What is it?" Gumi asked, narrowing her eyes at the thing like it would bite.

"More specifically, Miku," Rin said, turning to the teal-haired girl. Miku blinked at her. "You want an excuse to talk to Kaito, right?"

She nodded, pigtails bobbing up and down.

"Can you give this to Kaito, and tell him to give it to Len?"

Without even saying yes, Miku took the lunch box from her hands with wide eyes. "So I just give it to him and tell him to give it to Len?"

"Yeah." Rin was surprised how eager her friend was to do this—practically pointless—task. "Oh, and don't forget to tell him it's from me. Otherwise, it'll just look like _you_ made him lunch, or something."

Miku nodded, her mouth going 'o' shaped, as if she hadn't realised that (she hadn't). "Right. Yes. That's all?"

"That's all."

"Okay! Thank you, Rin!" Miku beamed like a child given candy and skipped off down the hall, towards Len's homeroom classroom.

Rin watched her go, before turning back to her other friends—Gumi and Luka.

"Couldn't you have just taken that to him yourself, Rin?" Gumi asked.

"Well, _yes_ , but…" She didn't have a good reason to defend herself with. "I didn't want to."

Her friends exchanged perplexed glances. "Oh. Okay."

None of Rin's friends knew much about her family situation, nor the fact that she and Len were once not related. They assumed the way things were now, were how things had _always_ been between them. Perhaps if they had been, maybe the current situation wouldn't feel as much as a loss of something important.

Y'know, a meaningful friendship?

Much to Rin's demise, later in the day, she came back to her desk at the beginning of lunch time to discover Len (or Kaito, or whoever) had returned the lunchbox. It sat unassumingly on her desk, and the contents inside hadn't been touched whatsoever.

She stared at it like an unwelcome confession, before picking it up and turning on her heel. Fine. She'd have to deal with this herself.

Len was sitting with his back to her in his classroom with some friends. They were all chortling about something, and Len was scabbing food off of the tall, ponytail guy—Gakupo, was it?

Oh. _Oh._

 _You liar_ , Rin thought, something bitter twisting in her stomach.

Kaito spotted her approaching, eyes widening in what seemed like slight panic. He poked Len for attention, who turned, stole one look at her, and rolled his eyes.

She stopped right behind him, held out the lunchbox. "Missing something?" she said through a smile that was more like a threatening grimace than anything.

Len muttered something down to his shirt.

"Hm?" Rin tilted her head, leaning closer.

"Don't need it," he groused, eyes narrowed.

"Don't need it, huh?" She stood straight, staring down at him. Maybe she would've been less… pissed if he wasn't just scabbing off all his friends or whatever, but it was clear he didn't even have enough allowance left to buy his own lunch.

And yet the idiot, just to maintain his own pride, turned down the idea of a free lunch.

Just—what? What was the point?

"Well," Rin said, drawing out the syllable. " _I'm_ not hungry. _I_ don't need it either."

Not letting him respond—not that he would—she lifted the lunch box above his head, turned it upside down, and popped the lid off.

All the contents—karaage, fried rice, tomato salad and all—dumped out on top of his hair.

The entire classroom went silent. Len's friends audibly gasped.

It felt.

_So._

_Good._

Then she slammed the empty lunchbox on the desk in front of him, making everyone startle, before turning and storming out of the classroom.

She didn't even care about the repercussions of what she did. _Screw_ this guy. She'd had enough.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i forgot to upload this chapter out of pure laziness for about 900 years. um. i dont think anyone is dying to read this considering it is a... a Forbidden Topic, but whatever. this one's dedicated to fanpol<3 hehe
> 
> may be a lil different than the copy of chap 2 on ffnet bc i edited them separately with at least 5+ months between them so like oop

“Um, Rin, you’re seething,” Miku commented, when Rin came stomping into their classroom. She’d lost her appetite for lunch, so she just slumped in her chair and glared up at the ceiling, silently fuming.

Rin didn’t look at her as she said, “Yeah. I  _ know _ .”

“Did uh… something happen?” Gumi asked.

“Yes.”

Her friends all looked at her, waiting for an answer or explanation, but it didn’t come.

Luka cleared her throat. “So…”

“So I dumped food on Len’s head.”

The table went silent, before finally, Miku choked out, “You… you  _ what? _ ”

Rin dragged her gaze away from the ceiling, meeting their gazes. “I grabbed the lunch box. I opened it. I put all the food on his head. Then I left.” She sighed. “It felt  _ really _ good.”

Luka frowned. “But what did he do?”

She shrugged. “A lot.”

“Like what?”

“Exist.”

“Rin, that’s—er, that’s not a very good reason so just dump food on your brother’s head,” Gumi reasoned down to her chopsticks.

“ _ Step- _ brother,” Rin corrected.

“We get it,” Miku said, waving her hand. She frowned. “But is there a reason why you two are like… lowkey wanting to backhand each other all the time? Kinda seems like it just all came out of the wazoo.”

“Yeah. What’s your history?” Luka asked.

Rin twisted her body around to face them properly, and clasped her hands in front of her, signalling an incoming explanation. “We used to be best friends in middle school. Our parents got married out of the blue. He’s been cold and distant without a reason ever since.”

A beat of silence, before Miku went, “ _ Oohhh. _ ”

“So you were already friends prior to your parents getting married?” Luka clarified.

“Yeah. That’s pretty much how our parents met in the first place.”

Gumi’s eyebrows met. “Wow. That’s rough.”

“Sounds like he’s got issues with the marriage, and not you, though, Rin,” Luka said. She was the more motherly friend, a voice of reason. And sometimes Rin wished she wasn’t, for reasons such as this exact conversation.

Rin folded her arms over her chest, scowling. “I  _ know _ . You know what? So do  _ I. _ But at least I’m just  _ pretending _ to be okay with it, instead of being a total jerk assface to him about it.”

“You literally dumped food on his head, though,” Miku pointed out, with a mouth full of broccoli.

“Yeah, like,  _ once _ . I’ve been trying to put up with his mood ever since it all started. Can’t help it that I’m over it.”

Her friends all exchanged expressions. 

“You know, can’t you just like… talk to him about it?” Gumi suggested.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I just can’t.”

“You can’t?”

“I can  _ not _ .”

Luka opened her mouth to probably make yet another smart and reasonable statement that would render Rin’s entire argument pointless, but before she could get to it, a teacher appeared at the doorway and hailed Rin over with a grim expression.

“Welp, guess I’m getting a detention,” she said to her friends, jumping up from her seat. “See you later.”

* * *

“Your parents have been called,” the student counsellor droned. She was a woman with wiry hair and thin glasses, and a voice that could bore almost anyone to sleep (or, possibly even death). “Since this is a family-related problem, we can’t offer much in resolving this issue.”

Rin and Len were sitting in the counsellor’s office, receiving a ‘talking to’, although the ‘talking to’ was nothing much but ‘just don’t do it again’ and ‘we’ll let it slide  _ this time _ because you two are like relatives or something and we don’t have the ability to deal with family conflict’. She’d stolen a glance at Len when walking into the room, and he’d mostly cleaned up, so it wasn’t even like it was that of a big deal.

Though he did smell faintly of fried rice. Man, was that a good smell. Her stomach growled in protest at the fact that she didn’t feed it earlier.

Len had avoided her gaze like the plague since she came. If he didn’t hate her before, he probably hated her now.

“So, Rin, before I let you two go, how about you apologise to Len?” The counsellor looked at her expectantly.

Rin really  _ didn’t _ want to apologise, because he  _ deserved _ it. Or, well, she thought he did, but now she was having second thoughts after that conversation with her friends.  _ Damn you Luka and your wise words. _

She stared back at the counsellor, not wanting to entertain the idea of making any eye-contact with Len.

She opened her mouth.

Nothing came out.

Well. Cool. She could just sit here all day with her mouth hanging open catching flies.

Much to her (and the counsellor’s) shock, Len spoke up instead. Staring down at his knees, he mumbled, “I’m sorry.”

Rin couldn’t believe her ears. “What.”

His fists clenched, bunching up the fabric of his pants. “I’m  _ sorry _ ,” he repeated, words harsher, louder. “I’m sorry for not taking your mum’s  _ stupid _ lunch.”

Blood rushed to her cheeks. Words began to tumble out of her mouth. “It’s not  _ stupid _ ,” she snapped back, that familiar anger from before building up again in her chest. “ _ You’re _ stupid. Jeez. Just  _ take it _ . Throw it in the trash if you don’t want it. I know you hate all of this as much as I do, but it won’t kill you to just  _ pretend _ .”

She was met with silence.

The counsellor cleared her throat. “Rin,” she reminded, narrowing her eyes over her glasses.

Rin sighed, decided it was even. Fine.  _ Fine. _ She kept her eyes on the nameplate on the counsellor’s desk, glaring it down. “I’m sorry for tipping food all over your head,” she said, a waver in her voice she didn’t want to acknowledge. It gave away something she didn’t want anyone to know.

Pain? Sadness? Hurt? It was just a big ball of— _ ugh _ . Something. Curdling in the pit of her stomach. It had been curdling ever since her mother sat her down to break the news. It had been curdling ever since Len changed. Festering, bubbling, boiling.

The counsellor seemed satisfied with Rin’s apology, so she dismissed them with a sharp warning— _ Don’t let me see you two here again. _

Rin waded out of the office with the sensation like she was slowly, and painfully, sinking in quicksand. Len brushed straight past and hurried off down the hall, careful not to look in her direction.

She exhaled, watching his back as he walked away. 

If only things were different.

* * *

That evening, Rin was cornered by  _ both _ her mother  _ and  _ Leon, to make matters worse. Len was lucky he could just go straight to his room and be broody as always.

They sat her down across from them at the dining table, and it gave her war flashbacks to two years prior.

“Rin, look,” her mother began, “I understand Len is…  _ difficult _ to deal with and I appreciate you for  _ trying _ to help me out, but…”

“What you did was unnecessary,” Leon cut in. Why did it always feel a  _ million  _ times more awful when she was being scolded by Leon? She just couldn’t get past the fact that it was  _ Len’s dad. _ And she had disappointed  _ Len’s dad. _

Her mother nodded in agreement. “Besides, it’s a waste of food. If you didn’t want his lunchbox, you didn’t have to take it. You didn’t have to go throw it on him. And… you didn’t even eat  _ your own _ lunch today, Rin!”

Ah, right. She forgot about that. She’d put it in the fridge to eat as an afternoon snack, but her mum must’ve seen it.

The whole time, Rin just looked at her hands under the table. In a way, she wanted to cry. Not from sadness—well, not entirely—but frustration, too.

“Please  _ try _ not to fight with him, Rin,” her mother pleaded. “I know the situation with him and me is a little different, but you two—you were friends, right?”

_ Yeah. Until you got married. _

She didn’t realise she’d said that aloud until the room went completely silent, and she glanced up, looking at their faces. Her heart was pounding. They were surprised, as if the thought had never crossed their minds.

Leon spoke next. “Now look, Rin, I understand us getting married wasn’t… an ideal situation for you two, but you can’t just go around blaming all these problems on us.”

Oh  _ please. _

“Len’s, you know, a teenage boy. He’s dealing with things. Puberty’s tough. He’s just being a little defiant, is all.”

Rin’s hands began to shake. That was it? Going through puberty? They were just—blowing it off as him  _ going through a phase? _ All of this  _ destroyed _ their friendship, and yet… 

“It’s funny how you say that—even though he started acting differently the day you told us you were getting married,” she said, the words tumbling from her mouth like a landslide. There was that feeling again—that hot, molten rock weighing her insides down, churning and burning and fizzling angrily. Frustrated tears stung her eyes. Did they not understand just  _ how much _ it had changed things between them?

“Rin,” her mother murmured, and she couldn’t tell if it was a warning, or just to show her disapproval.

Rin choked back a sob. She didn’t know where all these intense emotions were coming from—they were never there before, so why? Why were they suddenly just spilling out? 

She pressed her fists into her eyes. “I didn’t want this,” she blubbered, the lid popping open, the tap leaking. It all gushed out, too much, she was saying too much. “I’m just trying to pretend it’s okay but it’s not—I’m _not._ This sucks. I hate it. I don’t want this.”

Not wanting to hear their response, she stood abruptly, her chair falling backwards and clattering to the floor. She made a dash for her bedroom—not bothering picking it up, not bothering looking back.

She locked the door behind her and crawled into bed, nothing but a fool. Len had probably heard the whole conversation too.  _ How humiliating _ , she thought dryly, as she cried into her pillow. 

Rin didn’t answer any of the knocks on her door that night; she just curled up in her bed and went to sleep.

* * *

The next morning, her mum didn’t say anything about it. She made breakfast and lunch as usual, humming to herself in the kitchen.

Len did not argue with her about the lunchbox, this time. He took it. He put it in his bag. He sat at the table across from Rin and munched on his cereal, all the while staring at the empty space between them.

Rin ate her yoghurt in silence, pretending she was watching the news on TV, but hyper aware of his presence. 

When she went to dump her yoghurt bowl in the sink again, her mother stopped her. “Rin,” she said, a serious expression on her face, mixed with concern. “I don’t want you to think I don’t care about your feelings. I do. Leon and I care very much about how you two feel. And we’re working on it.”

Rin said nothing, fearing if she’d open her mouth, the yoghurt might come back out the same way it went in.

“And… maybe Len listened to you yesterday. He took his lunch for once, at least.” Her mum offered a smile, but she didn’t return it.

“Yeah,” she said, her voice hoarse. “Maybe he did.”

Maybe he did listen, somewhat. But it still didn’t change anything.

* * *

Rin wiped away the sweat mustache that had been accumulating on her upper lip during the commute to school. Summer was well and truly underway, which meant finals were coming soon, too.

A part of her couldn’t believe she was already in her second year of high school. Time just kind of whooshed by, and her childhood was fading away like ink on a receipt. 

She grimaced as she climbed the three flights of stairs to her classroom, thinking back to an awkward discussion at dinner the night before.

Leon had joined them for dinner—something that only happened every so often, with him working overtime most days of the week—and had this grin on his face like he had discovered the cure for cancer. Alas, it was not for that reason.

“Let’s go camping during summer vacation,” he’d suggested. “Up in the mountains. We’ve never had a family vacation, yet, huh? I figured, maybe we could do something fun. As a family.”

Rin had wanted to crawl under the table, but just remained seated in silence—the same as Len, who was staring down at his plate like his hamburg steak was the most interesting thing on the planet.

“That sounds like a wonderful idea,” Rin’s mother had said. “Doesn’t it, Rin?”

She’d wondered why she had to be involved in the discussion—like, everyone knew at this point she’d rather throw herself into boiling water, and  _ yet _ . 

Rin had dropped a chopstick, and it’d clattered against her plate loudly, slicing like a knife through the silence. 

“I hate bugs,” she’d muttered, scrambling to pick it up.

“That’s okay,” Leon had reassured. “We’ll just bring some insect repellant.”

_ That’s not… the point _ , she’d mused, resisting the urge to roll her eyes.

It was probably the most awkward family dinners to date—and there had been  _ quite _ a lot within the past year or so.

Luka noticed something was off with Rin as she trudged into the classroom, dumping her bag on her desk with a heavy sigh. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked, sashaying over to her from across the room.

Rin fumbled with the zipper on her bag. “Family wants to go on a camping trip during summer vacation.”

“That sounds nice,” Luka commented, not quite catching the reason behind Rin’s mood.

Rin just shot her a look that said,  _ No, it’s not. _

Luka ignored it, perching on the edge of a classmate’s desk. “With Len and his dad?” 

“Unfortunately, yes. Len, Leon, my mum… it’s going to be like all hell has broken loose.”

Her friend smiled, trying to look understanding. “You know, it might not be as bad as you think,” she reassured. “Maybe it’s just what your family needs?”

Rin found that hard to believe. As if a camping trip would suddenly solve all problems that had been building up within the past year and a half. If it somehow did, she had an inkling it would  _ not _ be over the campfire late at night while sharing smores—it would be like, the entire campsite bursting into flames.

“Maybe,” she said, not wanting to argue with Luka. When she was right, she was right. (Even when she was wrong.) 

Summer vacation was no longer something she looked forward to.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for those w/ emetophobia

Rin’s least favourite subject was Physical Education, for a multitude of reasons. 

One, she hated sports. In fact, she was notoriously bad at it.

Two, it happened to be the only class she shared with Len.

Three, it just really sucked. And she hated getting sweaty.

It was a sweltering day in early July, and for some ridiculous reason, the teacher decided to have the class play baseball out in the stifling humidity. Everyone was miserable, understandably, and those who weren’t forced to play on the field tried to take cover in the shade of a single, almost-bare tree near the fence.

Rin was on the other opposite team of Len—her team somewhat lucky to be batting first.

Her name was called and she pulled herself up from the grass, thighs sticky with sweat, and sauntered over to the bat. The last time she’d played baseball, she’d accidentally tossed the bat  _ with  _ the ball and almost killed the teacher with it.

Everyone remembered it, too, putting as much distance as they could between themselves and her as she stepped up to the batter’s box.

Rin took a breath. In a way, she looked forward to smacking the life out of the ball (given she actually hits it, this time)—it was therapeutic, and she needed to release the pent up frustration from the past few weeks.

She got into position, hands wrapped tight around the cool, metal bat, and waited for the ball.

It whizzed towards her and she swung, the bat coming into contact with the baseball with a nice, resonating smack. The ball zoomed off across the field, headed straight toward the person standing at second base.

Len.

He braced with his hands out in front of him, but the ball slipped right through and made  _ direct contact _ with his… 

His junk.

Rin dropped the bat, watching on in horror as the boy toppled over on the field with a cry of pain. Both the teacher and a few of his teammates rushed over to his aid, while he rolled on the ground in a ball, moaning. 

She put a hand up to her mouth, shocked. It wasn’t really her intention to completely  _ obliterate _ him, but… well… 

Eventually, she walked over to join the crowd gathering around him. The teacher was helping him up, but he was crouched over, white as a sheet. 

“Can someone take him to the infirmary?” the teacher asked, looking around. His eyes fell on Rin.  _ Oh shoot. _ “Rin, do you mind taking him?”

She gulped. She couldn’t really say no, considering she’d just  _ destroyed _ his loins. 

“Uh. Yeah. Sure.”

_ Why me why me why me— _

Rin hesitated, before moving to his side—her hands reaching out to grab him by the waist and wrap his arm around her shoulders. He flinched away from her touch though, hissing, “I can walk by myself.”

She recoiled, heat rushing to her cheeks.

They walked at a very, very slow pace. They probably  _ could’ve _ moved faster, had Len let her help him, but the boy was indignant not to let her touch him. She couldn’t really blame him given what just happened, though.

Eventually, she summed up the courage to say something. “I’m really sorry.” Silence. “I really didn’t mean to, um, hit the ball into your crotch. Really. I’m sorry.”  _ And _ … even more silence. Wow.

Well. She tried.

They hadn’t made it very far from the field when Len doubled over to throw up. Rin almost walked straight into it, but managed to dodge the puddle just in time, crying out, “Ew!” 

He groaned down at the ground and sat for a few moments, heavy breathing. About five minutes passed before he muttered, “I can’t move.”

“Oh.” She stared at him, almost useless, picking at one of her fingernails. “Do you… want me to help you up?”

Len nodded, screwing up his face. Maybe it was from the pain of his [redacted], or maybe it was from the pain of knowing she had to touch him—she didn’t know. Regardless, she leant down to wrap an arm around his waist—and he hooked his arm around her neck, putting all his weight into her.

She almost fell over pulling him up, but somehow, they did not face-plant into the pile of vomit on the ground in front of them. Success!

From there, getting to the infirmary was a tad faster than before. They didn’t speak another word between them the entire trip. To be fair, Rin was too busy being hyper aware of the fact that Len was extremely close to her; she could hear every breath he took, she could feel the warmth radiating from him, she could smell the wild concoction of his sweat and deodorant and fabric softener. It was a sensory overload, every part of her was just  _ uncomfortably aware _ of his presence.

Her face was about as hot as the surface of the sun, and probably about as bright as a tomato. It was a miracle Len hadn’t even noticed her slowly growing delirious from the amount of blood rushing to her head.

_ Keep it together, Rin _ , she scolded herself.  _ It’s literally Len. What is  _ wrong _ with you? _

That was the question. She didn’t know  _ why _ she was getting so worked up over his proximity. They were basically attached at the hip in middle school—this was nothing different.

And yet.

It was.

After what seemed like a lifetime, they arrived at the infirmary. Rin gave a brief rundown of the situation to the nurse—“I whacked the baseball straight into his pe—pen—  _ nether regions! _ ”—and she had Len lie down to rest.

“Will his, uh, junk be okay?” she asked the nurse before she left.

The nurse seemed amused. “I’m sure he’ll be fine. Just to be safe, though, I think I’ll send him home to go to the doctor.”

_ Oh no. _ If her mother (or Leon) heard wind of this… Well. Needless to say, it wouldn’t be great.

Rin nodded stiffly, took one last look at Len—who had the balls of his hands pressed into his eye sockets—and excused herself to return to class.

She  _ really _ hoped she didn’t just, like, make him infertile. And she  _ really _ hoped she wouldn’t have to have an awkward discussion with her mother tonight about the whole ordeal.

She just wanted today to be over and done with already. It’d been too much and it was only eleven o’clock.

* * *

When her friends found out about the whole ordeal, Miku had fallen off her chair laughing hysterically, and Gumi and Luka just shook their heads like disappointed parents. 

Rin could only feel shame. The rest of the day was uneventful as so.

It was a quiet trip home on the bus. When she came walking down the hall after letting herself in through the front door, Len was lying on the couch looking like he’d been hit by a truck. She was sort of expecting him to  _ say _ something— _ anything, really— _ but his eyes were glued to the screen of his phone. It looked like he was texting someone.

Her mother appeared from behind, wiping her hands dry with a tea towel. “Rin,” she said, and Rin almost launched herself into the table. “Hey. How was school?”

It wasn’t the  _ intense questioning _ she had expected to be overwhelmed with, but she still turned to face her mum with a stiff posture, like a small child caught stealing cookies from the cookie jar. “Oh. Hi. It was… um.  _ Eventful _ .”

The older woman nodded over at Len on the couch, a hint of amusement in her eyes. “I see that.”

Rin turned an unhealthy shade of red. “Is he uh—is he  _ okay? _ ”

Her mother shrugged her shoulders and smiled, turning away to stride back into the kitchen. She was in the middle of wiping up dishes. “Len? He’s fine. Doctor said it would just be some bruising, nothing too tragic. Right, Len?”

Silence.

Knowing she wouldn’t get a response out of him, she continued, “He told me what happened. That it was an accident.”

Rin’s shoulders sagged, a sense of relief washing over her that Len hadn’t just… dobbed her in or anything. She’d honestly expected him to run his mouth and blame her, given the circumstances. 

After that awkward conversation finished, she shuffled off to her room to do homework for the rest of the afternoon. To be honest, that day was just a whole lot of weird. Not only just the baseball incident, but having to walk Len to the infirmary, too.

His radiating heat and familiar scent was just about burned into the folds of her brain. Never before had she really been bothered by such a thing. In middle school, they used to bump shoulders and play fight and mess around all the time; then, it was just  _ normal _ . But it was like her brain had just  _ forgotten _ what being close to Len was like and had a meltdown.

_ Well, it’s probably not going to happen again anytime soon, _ she mused over her math problem, tapping the end of her mechanical pencil against her lips. That was unless she miraculously aimed for his crotch again during PE class.

It was sad. They’d really grown apart. 

Did he feel it too? Did he notice any difference? Or was he numb to it all?

Rin sat her pencil down on the page, burrowing her head into her hands. Trying to figure out Len and what was going on in that little brain of his was just as hard as trying to solve for  _ x _ in a quadratics equation.

And she wasn’t even  _ good _ at maths.

* * *

On Wednesdays, Rin was tasked with weeding for the Gardening Club. She wasn’t really into gardening, but Gumi had begged her into joining the previous year, claiming it ‘wasn’t as involved as other clubs’. Yet, she still had to spend  _ hours _ of one of her afternoons scouring the school grounds for weeds, when she had the misfortune of being rostered on for one of the jobs. She’d much prefer watering the flowerbeds, but alas.

Summer was particularly insufferable. The recently-passed rainy season didn’t help.

She was minding her own business, trudging along one of the walls of the school, scanning for anything to wrestle with on the ground. A familiar voice came into earshot, and her head bobbed up, looking for the source.

Not too far, but far enough away to be unaware of her presence, was Len. He was standing with another girl—Rin didn’t recognise her. An underclassman? She was in front of him, her head bowed down, her hands twisting together in a fit of nervousness.

By the pair’s stance, and the somewhat awkward atmosphere around them, Rin just  _ knew _ she was witnessing a confession.

Although she was dying to stand there and watch like the pathetic, nosey creature she was, she forced herself to look back down at the ground, knowing it wasn’t something she was  _ supposed _ to be hearing, seeing. But her mind kept drifting back to the conversation happening adjacent to her, and she couldn’t focus on what she was doing for the life of her.

Rin knew Len was somewhat popular; he’d always been, even in middle school. He was a bit of a star in the track team, good at sports—the opposite of her, really. He was speedy and had good agility, and ran for some inter-prefectural competitions. The track and field club ate him up like a snack when they started high school. She was pretty sure he had an unofficial fan club, especially with the underclassmen.

The girl’s voice was quiet, too quiet to hear clearly—but Len didn’t seem to care about his level of volume, responding with, “ _ Oh.” _ and  _ “Really?” _

Her eyes had already drifted back up to watch on. The girl seemed to fumble to say her next words, eyes down, her hands fluttering around her face to articulate her thoughts. Len was listening intently, a blank look on his face, nods all around.

Then it came for his response. He took a breath, his shoulders dropping, a hand reaching for the back of his head. Rin could smell the rejection coming.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice softer than before. “I really appreciate you, uh, saying something, but I just—I don’t feel the same.”

The girl’s hands dropped to her sides.

“I’m sure you’re a great person,” he continued, eyes skating around awkwardly. Rin was terrified he’d look straight at her, standing aside ogling at them like an utter goblin. “But really, I’m not looking to date right now and I—uh, there’s someone else…” He trailed off, letting the silence fill in the words for him.

Huh.  _ Huh _ .

_ Someone else _ , Rin echoed in her mind. She didn’t know why there was an odd, sick feeling to her stomach after hearing that—a sort of distant ringing to her ears. It was an uncomfortable sensation; a hot prickling on the back of her neck. 

She was screaming at herself to look away and move on—that she’d already seen enough—when the girl had mumbled something of an apology and run off, probably to go cry in the closest bathroom stall. She was still yelling to move on when Len had sighed and turned to look  _ straight at her _ , as if sensing her beady eyes witnessing the whole ordeal.

Like she’d been electrified, she snatched her gaze away from him, hands darting for a lone blade of grass poking out of the ground. It wasn’t even a weed, but she felt she needed something to do to hide the fact she’d been standing there watching for the past ten minutes. (Even though she knew it was already blatantly obvious.)

She crammed the grass blade into her weed bag and forced her legs to walk on, ears burning and uncomfortably aware that he was still watching her as she turned the corner of the school building and disappeared from view. What he was thinking, she didn’t know.

Rin’s mind was still stuck on that confession the whole afternoon, so much so that it hit six o’clock and the class president came looking for her, only to chide her for being slow. She was then tasked to finish the job off the following afternoon—much to her immense displeasure.

When she got home—just in time for dinner—she couldn’t bring herself to look at Len sitting adjacent from her at the dinner table. It wasn’t like he was staring at her or anything—in fact, she  _ knew _ he wouldn’t say anything at all, because why would he? But her stupid galaxy brain was blaring foghorns at her to keep her eyes to herself, telling her she’d already seen enough.

As she poked at her omelette rice sitting innocently in front of her, she asked herself why it mattered so much. Why did it matter at all? It was Len. They didn’t talk. Who cares if he likes someone else? Why did that bother her so much?

And maybe she knew the answer deep down, but her heart wasn’t ready to acknowledge it just yet.


End file.
